…don’t waste your new shoes or sparkly dress on people or places that don’t deserve it because when you do need to bring it (yes, I said bring it), you wont have a thing to wear. You’ll be running around Sandton trying to find something at the last minute (because for some reason we never learn our lesson and always think that last minute dot com will have the answers) and then you’ll find a dress at TopShop or Zara but you’ll be too scared to buy it because the chances of the bitch you hate wearing it is high and you’d rather die than look like her because obviously you’re better than her (unless I’m the bitch you hate because no. I’ll always win honey. Don’t make the mistake of trying to compare where you can’t afford to compete. I may be poor but my closet isn’t)…

Getting dressed up and wearing your new shoes or sexiest underwear is meant to be the appetiser of your day. Your activity while you’re dressed is meant to be the main. How do you expect to enjoy your main if you’re sour because your g-string is riding up your front and your back and you can basically taste the cotton?

…all the trips to the bathroom are somehow the best and worst times of the day because while you get to finally have some time alone, the one-ply toilet paper sheets that are dispensed in singles simultaneously remind you of the importance of two-ply toilet paper and that you always had the option of becoming a stripper…

Just think of the clothes and shoes you have as singles at speed dating. Sure not every pair will work but you need to at least try right? But the only way you will every know is if you’re open to taking that risk and experimenting a little. If we refuse to let gender stereotypes define the way we conduct our everyday lives (even when it comes to dating), then why let them dictate the way you dress? It’s your money. It’s your body. So dress it in whatever you want to dress it in.

Coating yourself in sparkles is the perfect way to feel golden. This full stop is great for the summertime because then you sparkle in the sun and look like a gorgeous glass of Veuve Clicquot even if you feel like the gum under someones shoe after a night of drinking it at The Boo.