BLACK is the new BLACK

Bonjour mes amants (that means Hello Lovers for you non-french speakers),

Today I want to talk about colours. Ok that sounds childish but you know what I mean? Colours in the fashion sense. Now before you think this is another one of those lame fashion posts that sounds the same as the last one you casually ignored, you’re wrong. Besides the fact that anything I write is far from lame or ordinary (she said humbly), I’m actually going to talk about the colour black generally and what I’ve learned about it in my short time on this planet.

So, I have a friend who just bought a new apartment and (being the bachelor he is) wanted everything to be black, white and red. Apparently that combination of colours screams masculinity. Personally, when I walk into a guys apartment and see how he’s trying to ‘prove’ how manly he is with his furniture, I think twice about the “tour of the place” because there’s something in me that says “Run, there is only disappointment in that bedroom!” Anyway, so I decide to help my friend out. I love shopping so walking from furniture store to furniture store excites me, plus I wanted to challenge my creativity by making the apartment “manly” but sleek and stylish at the same time. A lot of work (by the delivery guys that is) and tons of warrantees later I actually accomplished what I wanted. Ok me, @home, Country Road, LG, Smeg and Samsung did but I was definitely team leader! And after all that I honestly didn’t think black, white and red would look good splashed all over a two-bedroom apartment but somehow it worked. Let me tell you why and how:

1. Black is a beautiful colour which could represent everything from elegance to one of those scull and cross bone “danger” signs. Choose wisely!

2. Again, just because you’ve chosen black doesn’t mean you lose your personality in the darkness. Use other colours as highlights to make the room/outfit a little exciting. (I have red sparkly shoes that I always wear that look way better than Dorothy’s ever did).

3. It is very easy to “whore your black couture” so please don’t think because you’re wearing a figure hugging dress with a thigh high slit it passes for elegant because it’s black. Be honest with yourself, would you wear that to have dinner with your boyfriends parents? Or think of it this way, would you want your mom or little sister to wear that? NO! Please keep it classy!

4. IF you are the type who tends to slut it up and needs a little help, I always think “What Would Blair Wear?”. If you don’t know who that is then please rent Gossip Girl (seasons 1-3) after that they sucked but whether she was at school or a gala dinner, Blair always balanced sexy and classy so well.

5. Be careful about wearing black during the day. It can be done but you must be cognisant of where you’re going and how late you’ll be there for. SIDE NOTE: I hope none of you are the type to wear black to a wedding! Free yourselves. HE IS NOT YOURS ANYMORE! Pull yourself together, get a drink and find someone to play with at the bar 🙂

6. Black can be worn casually as well. I always pair my black TopShop boyfriend jeans with my Zara leotard. It looks cute, it’s slimming and is effortlessly fabulous.

7. Finally, please do not think that black is slimming so you can get away with wearing anything. NO YOU CANNOT! Black is slimming but it isn’t Black Magic people! If you’re a chunky monkey just take a bigger size. You’re not a 10 and we can all see it. In fact, when you said you were a 10 everyone was confused for a bit because it’s clear you’re not honey. Take the 14 and pay for it. Love your body!

That’s all I have to say today. Black is always a good idea whether you’re dressing for a funeral, decorating your friends apartment or dying your hair. Just always remember that you need something different that relieves the darkness like a different colour or even showing a little skin (A LITTLE skin ok? I don’t need you wearing 5 to nothing and saying I taught you. Don’t do it Slutterella because I’ll call you out). The colour exudes an air of elegance and can never be replaced by another colour, so the other colours better step aside for the Queen of Class and the Empress of Elegance because she’s definitely here to stay!

If you’re still not convinced think about this: Ninjas wear black and they’re really cool. I mean, who doesn’t want to be a ninja right? Also, remember what I said about having some relief from the darkness (highlights), well Ninjas have those shiny swords with them all the time. See? I really do know what I’m talking about. So when in doubt, consult your Resident Ninja. They always know what to do.

Best Place to find classic black clothes: Zara and Witchery (they hardly get it wrong).

Your Resident Snob


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