The Late-night Lovebite

Bonsoir mes amants,

So sorry I’ve been absent. Doing my honours is proving to a little more complicated than Id planned for and now that I’m back on twitter, my time just seems to run away with me. Anyway, knowing me oh so well (and by now I’m sure you know me well), you know that I’m here posing as the oracle, happy to share my wonderful words of wisdom yet again. I know, you’re welcome. I’ll make this one super short though, my attention span is limited tonight.

Ok so I suppose some of you have no clue what the late night love bite is exactly. Well, its kinda like a play date for grown ups. You know like how vodka kind of became our Oros (or was that just me)? Yeah, something like that.

(Side note: When my little sister was about 2/3 she used to call all alcohol “adult drinks” and even wrote it on the grocery list one Saturday. Yes, my household is that great. You can’t make this stuff up people).

So this past weekend I had the pleasure of going away for a little with a lover and as always was stumped when it came to what I should pack for the weekend. Sure, you need all your basic toiletries but in and outs (pardon the pun) are a lot more complicated than throwing a couple of dresses and a pair of heels into your bag. Even if you’ve been with your lover for years, they always like a surprise so do your best to make it a special weekend. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.

Tips for the tasty late night love bite?

1. Lingerie is the most important thing you’ll be packing! No, this doesn’t mean you’re a whore, it means that you’re a sexcat ready for your close-up, that’s why all underwear must be checked and double checked. You can’t have a hole ruining the opening act.

2. Always make sure you look edible without looking trashy. Now this doesn’t mean you have to walk around with frosting on your boobs (although theres nothing wrong with that either), it means that you should experiment with colour. Dress to turn yourself on.

3. If you’re one of those who insists on formal pyjamas, don’t wear your warm wintery ones that you got from your aunt. The bed will be warm enough. Plus, if you’re worried about warmth maybe you picked the wrong person to play with…

4. When picking out pyjamas, try Top Shop and Cotton On. Their pyjamas are cute and sexy at the same time. Not saying that theres anything wrong with your warm ones from woolies but this isn’t the weekend for that.

5. This may sounds silly, and this probably is more for the girls of colour than anyone else but think about your hair situation. You don’t want to be in the middle of cuddling then accidentally wake him while you’re trying to put on your doek. I don’t care how much he loves you or how cute he says it is, its not sexy my love so just for this wild weekend, LOSE IT!

Essentially, all you really need to pack is a dress for Friday night dinner and um, whatever you wear when playing dress up for the rest of the weekend. If you need anything more than that then you and I should talk about how you’re meant to have playdates when you’re all grown up. I mean, when I was younger I didn’t care much for the opposite sex but now… My have they grown…

Enjoy playtime kids

Your Resident Snob


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