“Don’t worry, you’ll have hair by three o’clock” – Part One

Class in Session…

Talking to my 18-year-old sister has to be one of my favourite pastimes. Sappy moment aside, she is the one who inspired this post. What could I have to talk about this time? HAIR! Yes, the one thing that we all (men and women alike) stress about no matter what our age. Whether you’re 18, contemplating pink highlights, going bald and blond like Amber Rose or 60 and desperately trying to make that comb over work, we all have issues with those little follicles that sprout from our heads.

Hacks of hair care?

Firstly, we have to spend thousands on hair every couple of months (depending on your hairstyle and how often you need to do/re-do it). I don’t have that kind of budget! Other people tell me to just leave it natural and then all my problems would be fixed but NO. My argument is that even natural hair needs to taken care of. You have to wash it regularly and condition it.

Taking out your hair is also an issue. Obviously I don’t literally been removing your actual hair, I mean when you have to take out your extensions/hairstyle. Ok, braids. I’m the lazy type and always keep my braids in for as long as possible just because of the convenience of them but let’s be honest about the hacks that come with them.

First of all, getting them done. Summing up the energy to actually get them done is enough to make you go crazy because you don’t really want to sit for hours on end while your bum turns numb just to look presentable.

(Side note: it’s also really gross when you’re taking your braids out and it’s all gross and dirty and you have those white knots in your hair and it’s all oily and terrible. Oh the pain! Oh the suffering!).

Secondly, I know we’ve all been to those really dodgy salons where there are either roaches, you’re stuck in someone’s house (where you can smell them cooking and have to deal with their kids running around screaming the whole time), places that are in the most random little corners where you wouldn’t want to be caught dead, cringing when one of the three to five ladies doing your hair eat their lunch.

Once I had someone eating a mango while she did my hair. I couldn’t. I had to tell her to stop because I’m not about that life and worst of all, the pulling of your hair and the pain of the comb every time they section your hair out. What’s more is that you’re sitting there for anything between two hours to two days! I actually don’t know how we have been able to survive all this time. I actually think it’s time someone came up with some innovation to help us out. This just isn’t right.

Another issue I have is the relaxer problem! ARGH! Probably the worst experience we have to go through. First you have to put Vaseline around your hairline/forehead just so it doesn’t melt your skin! Secondly, you’re going through the most pain when they section your hair. Thirdly, how cold is the relaxer? Mad uncomfortable! Then it kind of freaks you out that the hairdresser puts on protective gloves just before they touch the relaxer (unless they’re the hard-core type) because you’re thinking MY SCALP! Save me! Then once they’ve started putting in the relaxer, before they even finish applying it to your whole head, you start to feel the burn. Now I know you all understand THAT burn!

The burn that starts as a little tingle and before you know it spreads like wild fire and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You close your eyes, move in your seat, start rubbing your hands together all because you know the longer it stays in, the straighter your hair will be (because we know that growth isn’t cute). Then you let them comb it out (which feels like an eternity) but by this time you’re on fire and can’t wait any longer. You can’t take it (and you’re also secretly worrying about possible burning and scarring of your scalp).

You finally get a chance to wash off the relaxer but oh my does it take a while for the burn to subside. You try and direct the hairdresser to the middle of your head (because for some reason that’s always the place where it burns the most) and they take forever to get there. Then the burn is finally gone and you get your hair washed with shampoo but now, it’s itchy (again in the middle of your head) and you have to direct them again! But wait, there’s more. The water is either too cold or too hot and at some point you just get tired of trying to communicate your discomfort. Your clothes get wet; sometimes they end up washing your face, losing your earrings and other really frustrating things.

All in all relaxing your hair is one of the most annoying and frustrating experiences we go through. The worst would probably be the burn but honestly, when getting your hair done, it’s terrible and an experience we dread with everything inside us.


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